Not What She Seems
by Ritsuka Elric
Summary: Henry and Albert, two Thule Society members, meet a beautiful, foreign blond, and think nothing could go wrong. But is she really what she seems to be? Crack-ish.


A/N: For dA user FerioWind's prompt. This story is based off the original Japanese FMA anime, since in it Ed is voiced by a girl.

Broken-English(or technically Broken-German) speaking Ed was my friend's suggestion. x3

Word Count of Story: 1,475 words

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"Hey, Henry, look!"

Henry glanced over to where his fellow Thule Society member, Albert, was currently pointing with an enthusiastic finger.

"Isn't she hot?" Albert whispered, grinning.

Henry studied their unexpected guest. She couldn't have come at a better time: Henry and Albert were the last two society members left in the room; everyone else had already left for the day.

The girl noticed them and moved closer, allowing Henry to get a better look at her. Her hair was long and golden, perfectly matching her eyes. Her cheeks and nose were sprinkled with light freckles, and her lips looked absolutely kissable, if not a little wind chapped.

The only thing Henry didn't like about her looks was her clear lack of any figure, atleast judging from the way her loose, boyish clothing fit her body.

"Hohenheim is here?" she asked in forced, choppy German, and though her voice was a little deep it still had a bellish quality to it that made the college students flush.

"You just missed him," Albert answered while Henry was still searching for his voice. "He left a few minutes ago."

She muttered something under her breath, and Henry didn't have to understand the strange language to know that it was a curse.

"If you tell me your name, I'll make sure to tell Mr. Elric that you came by," Albert offered, in a shameless attempt to flirt.

The girl didn't notice. "I will come back tomorrow." She turned and went out the door, waving slightly as she walked.

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"The way she talked...it was like she hadn't been speaking German for very long," Henry noted. "I guess she's foreign…"

"But what would a beautiful foreign girl want with Mr. Elric?" Albert mused. "After all, she can't be older than fifteen…"

"I dunno…"

They sat in silence, thinking.

"I've got it!" Albert cried, snapping his fingers. "What if she's his secret love child?"

Henry arched his eyebrows. "You can't be serious."

"I think it could happen! She kind of looked like him, didn't she? You _have _ to agree with me!"

Henry thought back, and realized his friend might have a point. The golden hair and eyes were definitely a match.

"Either way, lovechild or not, I hope she comes back tomorrow," Henry admitted.

Albert patted his shoulder. "Me too, buddy. Me too."

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Albert and Henry's wish came true: a few minutes after they were left alone, she walked through the door.

"Hello!" Henry greeted. "Back again?"

She nodded. "Hohenheim is here today?"

"Sorry," Albert spoke up. "He's already gone."

"But maybe if you stay a little bit," Henry began, thinking quickly, "he'll come back."

It was lie, but she still sat down.

"You have an interesting accent," Albert said. "Where are you from?"

Her eyes became hazy with sadness. "You will not believe if I tell you," she murmured, "but far away from here."

Henry quickly changed the subject. "How do you know Mr. Elric?"

The girl grimaced. "He is bastard father."

Albert shot Henry a look that clearly said, _Told you._ "One last thing. What's your name?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but she was cut off.

"Henry! Albert! What are you still doing here?"  
"P-Professor Haushoffer!" Henry stammered, flustered.

"We're just entertaining a guest." Albert motioned toward the blond girl.

She jumped up, holding out her gloved hand to shake the professor's. "Hello," she greeted. "I am Hohenheim's--"

"Yes, I know who you are," Haushoffer interrupted. "You're the child he always talks about."  
"He...talks?"

"A lot, actually. About you, your brother, and your mother."

She smiled, but a flicker of sadness traced her pretty features.

"He is here now?" she inquired of Haushoffer.

Henry's heart sank. As soon as she saw her father, she'd have no reason to return…

But no, Haushoffer replied, "He left a little while ago," and Henry filled with hope once more.

"You know where he go?" the foreigner pressed.

"If I remember correctly, he mentioned that he wanted to go to the library."

"Library," she repeated slowly, then her face lit up. "Thank you much!" She bowed quickly, then ran toward the door.

At the last moment, the girl turned to Albert and Henry.

"I maybe see you later!" she called, waving.

All they could do was wave back and pinch the ends of their noses.

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"I _told _ you she was his lovechild!"

"I guess you really were right," Henry mused. "Though the professor said Mr. Elric talked about her all the time, and I don't remember him ever mentioning her."

Albert's face was thoughtful. "I vaguely remember Mr. Elric saying something about his son being in town, but not anything about a daughter…"

"The professor said she has a brother, remember?…which might mean she's _not _ love child. Maybe they were a normal family, and she's just a girl who hasn't seen her father in a while."

"Maybe….think she'll come back tomorrow?"

"She might. Unless she found her father today, and we'll never see her again."

"That would suck. Way to be pessimistic there, Henry."

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Hohenheim's daughter came back the next day.

Henry was so elated that he asked her out on the spot, despite not even knowing her name yet.

She gave him a strange look and backed away, replying, "Sorry. I do not date men."

She left soon after, not even staying long enough to ask for Hohenheim.

Albert looked shocked, and Henry knew he must look the same.

"She…she's _gay?!_ "

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"I can't believe she likes _girls!_ " Henry whispered.

"Yeah," Albert agreed. "Can you imagine that? I mean, what's wrong with us guys?"

It was the day after the blond girl's shocking confession, and the boys were still in shock.

As they were discussing in quiet voices, Hohenheim patted their shoulders suddenly, making them both jump.

"Do you two mind doing me a favor and staying after?" the man asked.

Henry's heart started pounding. "I guess that's okay. Why?"

Hohenheim smiled. "I have a special guest coming to see me, but unfortunately I have to leave for a few minutes. I thought you could keep them company for a bit."

A blush spread across Henry's cheeks at the memory of the beautiful girl, who would finally see her father.

"We can do that," Albert replied grinning.

Hohenheim nodded swiftly. "Thank you, boys."

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The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

The girl was doing her best not to look at Henry, yet he couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

"Hey," he spoke up suddenly, and both she and Albert looked over. "I'm…sorry about yesterday."  
She offered a tentative smile. "It is alright."

"How long have you…liked girls?" Albert inquired.

She tilted her head, looking confused. "All my life," she answered carefully.

"Y-you know," Henry said quickly, "you still haven't told us your name."  
She smiled slyly. "That means you are a man who dates without knowing names."

The choppy German pierced a hole in Henry's chest, and he laughed, embarrassed. "Maybe so."

An awkward silence began again.

Fortunately, Hohenheim chose that moment to enter the room. "I'm back."

The girl jumped up and ran to her father, suddenly looking angry. "Old bastard man!" she yelled. "I wait for you everyday, and you do not ever come! What father are you?!"

Hohenheim held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry," he apologized.

The girl then asked him something in her native tongue, and Hohenheim shook his head.

Hohenheim looked over his daughter's shoulder at Albert and Henry, who were watching the foreigners.

"I thank you, boys," he said, smiling, "for keeping my son company while I was gone. He tells me you've been very kind."

Henry's heart stopped beating.

_Why the hell did he just say **son** ?_

"My name is Edward Elric," the younger blond announced quietly. "Thank you for your kind."

"Edward," Albert echoed tragically.

"Yes."

"Your name is _Edward._ "

"Yes," Edward repeated in his strange, girly voice. "Is there a problem?"

"N-no," Henry stammered. "He was just checking."

The girl they'd spent time with and flirted with, and the girl Henry had asked out on a _date_ …was male.

That's why Edward had so left so suddenly yesterday.

It wasn't because _she _ was _gay_ ….

It was because _he _ was _straight_ …

Henry fainted dead on the floor.

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"Henry! Damn it, Henry, wake up!"

Henry's eyes flickered open.

Albert was leaned over him, thousands of thoughts reflecting in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"No," Henry whispered. "Is it just you here?"

"Yeah. I made them leave."

Henry groaned. "I asked out a _guy,_ Albert…."

"And I flirted with him."

"What do we do now?"

"I vote we pretend like none of this ever happened."

"Sounds like a good plan. I'll second that."

As Albert helped Henry up, they both vowed silently to never be alone with Edward again.


End file.
